Once I help someone understand what they truly want – meaning, they understand what they want, not what they don´t want – I ask them why they want it. Almost every single time the answer is something superficial. And when I say superficial I mean something that does not have much emotion or depth to it. You want what you want for the feeling you think it will bring you when you have it – for deep emotional reasons. Unfortunately, most people don´t acknowledge this level of it. They think they want what they want for the having of the physical thing only. They usually start out not wanting to be where they are because they think that where they are is what is causing them to feel bad. So when they figure out what the contrast (the thing they didn´t want) has helped them to want, they think that it is this thing that will change how they feel.

What most people don´t realize is that they are simply using this external stuff (including their body) as their excuse either to feel good or to feel bad. This is done mostly with the important things in our lives, as many things we observe in our experience don´t elicit much emotion. We place a lot of responsibility on the outside world: people, things, our bodies, and so on. The reality is, you want what you want for the feeling you think it would provide you when you have it, but in order for you to have it you have to be at that level of feeling first. You must be a match emotionally to receive it, to see evidence of it. So, if you can figure out why you really want what you want – meaning, you can understand what emotion or feeling you will have when you have it – you can focus on reaching for that feeling rather than reaching for the thing. Keep in mind: it is the feeling you want, not the thing. You just thought it was the thing that allowed you to feel this way. You were using this thing like a carrot in front of you to elicit that feeling response. You used the thing you want as your excuse to get connected and feel good (just the same way you used the thing you didn´t want as your excuse to feel bad). The real trick is to figure out how you want to feel, feel that way first, and then watch what shows up when you are in that state of feeling.

To figure out why you want what you want, simply ask yourself, what would having this thing (for example, a healthier body) provide for you in your life that you don´t have already? What would having this healthy body change in your life? How would your life be better than it is already?

Your immediate answer, as I mentioned earlier, will most likely be superficial. If so, ask yourself the question again. Ask yourself what having that (“that" being your last answer) would provide for you in your life that you don´t have already. Continue doing this until you are inspired by your answer. When you are inspired by your answer, you will have the real reason why you want what you want.

For example, let´s say you want to be twenty pounds leaner (rather than wanting to lose pounds, which is focusing on what you don´t want) and you ask yourself what being twenty pounds leaner would provide for you that you don´t have already. Let´s say your first answer is “confidence." Are you moved and inspired by the idea of having more confidence? Probably not. That´s because confidence is fairly superficial. Now ask yourself what having confidence would do to improve the quality of your life. How would having confidence make your life different than it is now? You might say it would provide a better relationship. Since that is still superficial, ask what having a better relationship would provide for you that you don´t have already. You might say a sense of purpose. Keep asking this question until you get an answer that moves you. Chances are, when you get to an answer that inspires you, it will be for the feeling of love or joy or freedom or passion or empowerment or connection (something at this level of emotion, which is the highest vibrational frequency we operate at). You want what you want for one of these feelings.

Once you figure out what the feeling you want is, your next step is to practice feeling this way as often as possible. You can do this in a few ways. One is to find things that you already feel this way about and focus on those things as often as possible. The more and longer you are in this state the more change you elicit – and the better you feel more often. The other thing you can do is to try to work on your thoughts surrounding your body to get to the same feeling place. Try to get to a place where you feel love or joy or empowerment or connection with your current body. When you do this, the change you ask for can easily show up. You´ve already asked for change from your initial contrast (your initial displeasure about where you are) it is now your job to let it happen. Joy, love, and so on, are at the highest emotional vibration. The higher your emotional state is, the less resistance you have to change.

Since you want what you want for the feeling you think it would provide for you, why not just get to the feeling place first? It is in this state that you are led to inspiring action, that you are more invested in your vision, and that your body works at its optimal best. Not to mention, what you want exists at this level of energetic frequency. When you practice being at this frequency, your body will have a better chance to bring forth things that resonate at this frequency, which will be the change you were initially looking for. But at this point, it will just be icing on the cake.

Finally, when you learn why you really want what you want (for the feeling of love, joy, freedom, and so on) you will no longer be focusing on what you don´t want. All your actions at this point will be because of those good feelings rather than because you want to change something external because you think it is causing you to feel bad. You will be doing things for your body from the highest emotional place, and nothing is more genuine.

You want what you want to feel better. Why not feel better first?